31 Jul The Epidemic of Not Enough
It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? To feel like you’re enough.
Amidst all the ways in which we think we’re broken, have you ever considered, what if there is nothing wrong with you? Really. Let that sink in for a second………What if every way your body responds is exactly how it needs to given your history and circumstance? What if instead of pathologizing our pain and deeming ourselves wrong, gross, broken, or fucked up, we simply listen and honor our body’s responses?
Ever stop to think about how we got here? Why it’s so damn hard to feel like enough? Do we even know what enough is?
One thing enough is not, is perfection. Perfection is an illusion. Nothing is static. All of life is in motion, fluid, and cyclical, so even if you reach a moment of perceived perfection, trying to hold it is futile.
Being enough can be likened to being whole. When we are in wholeness, we are not lacking. We have the full pallet of inner resources available. We are leading from a place of sovereignty, sourcing authority from within, as opposed to the cultural norm that places it outside of ourselves.
The concept of sovereignty can be so radical for women because it wasn’t long ago that we fought for the right to vote, were considered the property of husbands, and were allowed to work in male dominated industries. Even with all the freedoms of living in the western world in 2017, we can’t deny that we come from generations of oppressed women who learned to stay small and quiet in order to survive. We can’t deny that those imprints have been passed down to us, modeled for us, and those messages reiterated to us ALL THE TIME.
An example of one such message…..
Why is smaller better when it comes a woman’s body? Except for breasts and butts of course, which are considered better when they’re bigger, because those are the sexualized parts of us. Why are we striving to be smaller, to take up less space? How much would your size matter if it wasn’t a way to gain approval from the culture around you? Keeping our energy obsessively focused on something as narrow as how we look is a way to keep us distracted from what really matters, to keep us distracted from waking the fuck up and taking our power back. (This is not to shame small sized women. This is to question why being smaller in size is an obsessive goal for women in general.)
Maybe we’ve also been taught that the source of our power, our sexuality, is for the consumption of others. The same as our beauty and our fertility. The message this sends is: be hot, be sexy, be orgasmic, be pretty, and be fertile so you will be valued…by a man, because you are not enough on your own. To be sovereign is to reclaim these parts of ourselves, for ourselves; to cultivate our own power. Your sexuality is so powerful! A womb is the source of all life! To reduce that to someone else’s desire for it closes the door to the well of possibility within you. The womb doesn’t only birth babies, it births anything you desire to create.
It’s no wonder we don’t feel like enough. Our bodies have been colonized for generations and the most powerful parts of us shamed into exile. This will continue unless we do something about it. There’s no map, no one way, no special technique. There is simply (although not easily) doing your work, your way, and leading by example to be part of the greater cultural change that must take place if we are to eradicate the epidemic of not enough.
To begin, I offer these embodied, actionable steps toward your journey of enoughness:
1. Befriend your menstrual cycle or moon cycle.
Yes, really. What if your menstrual cycle wasn’t a nuisance, something to be covered up and controlled? What if it was your guide to living in alignment with your body’s natural flow of energy; a map to radiant health and wholeness?
Your menstrual cycle is not just getting your period every month. It is a symphony of organs and glands communicating with each other via hormones and neurotransmitters that dictate the rise and fall, creation and surrender, expansion and contraction of your body, mood, and energy. This cycle mirrors the cycles of nature; such as the day, the moon, the seasons, and life itself.
Personally, tracking my cycle has helped me to reclaim my enoughness by leveraging the unique strengths that each phase has to offer, instead of resisting or ignoring my cyclical nature. A circle is whole. When we live in attunement with our cycle, we can experience that same wholeness.
By tracking your menstrual cycle (or moon cycle if you are not menstruating), you are not only living in alignment with your innate feminine superpowers, you are removing a deep layer of shame from being a woman. When we free ourselves from layers of shame, we reclaim exiled parts of ourselves and become more whole, more enough.
2. Tune out as much negative media as possible.
Who do you follow on social media? Do you watch TV and read fashion magazine? Do you look at the Billboards you pass while driving? Does it make you feel awesome and empowered or stressed and like you’re not ___ enough?
So much of our media is toxic. It’s designed to keep you feeling less than, motivating you buy the stuff that promises to fill that void.
When I lived in LA I noticed how much more I wanted to buy new clothes. All of the billboard messages seeped into my brain and I always felt like I wasn’t cool/hot/pretty enough because I didn’t have the best clothes. Complete bullshit. As soon as I moved to a smaller town devoid of billboards, suddenly I was content with the clothes I had.
If it doesn’t make you feel good, if it leaves you feel like you’re not enough, TUNE THAT SHIT OUT!
3. Connect to your pleasure.
When you’re in pleasure, you’re not in pain. Pleasure is nature’s feel good cocktail and will improve the health of your whole being by engaging in it regularly. Pleasure doesn’t have to be sexual pleasure, although it can be.
Reclaiming pleasure is reclaiming a part of your wholeness that is often deemed superfluous or indulgent. Not true- another lie to keep you small and unhappy, so you buy more stuff.
Take time for your pleasure, your way, and notice if you begin to feel more enough.
4. Befriend your pain.
What if age was a sign of wisdom and reverence, instead of invisibility and decline? What if feeling broken or hurt was not a sign of wrongness, but simply a signal to let you know something needs to change?
Pain is an exquisite messenger. When she speaks, we hear her, but do we really listen? I’ve had a relationship with chronic back pain for nine years. This relationship has thrown me into the pit of hell when I resisted her and shown me my life’s calling when I listened.
You are not broken. You are being blessed with a message to lead you towards your wholeness. Pain can pull us further from our enoughness or bring us closer to it. The choice is yours.
I leave you with this poem by Rupi Kaur…
if you are broken
and they have left you
do not question
whether you were
the problem was
you were so enough
they were not able to carry it